Capture and Sweet Revenge
by erinioannucci
Summary: J. Jonah Jameson has been kidnapped by a deranged ex-employee, who seeks revenge. Peter Parker sets out to rescue his boss. I own nothing except for the characters Seth and Sadie.


Betty Brant walked into her boss's empty office, confused. She had buzzed him several times, but when she received no answer she went into his office to check on him, but J. Jonah Jameson was nowhere to be found. Only an hour ago Ms. Brant had seen him sitting there - cigar in mouth, feet on desk, and reading his morning paper, just like he always did. Still confused, Ms. Brant turned to leave when her eye caught a notepad with writing on, laying on top of an abandoned newspaper. She picked it up and read the note.

"Peter!" She stepped out into the hall. "Peter!"

Peter Parker had just returned from a rescue mission with a camera load of pictures he looked forward to seeing on the front page of the _Daily Bugle, _when he heard her call.

"Betty, is something wrong?" Peter asked the secretary.

"Mr. Jameson has been kidnapped," she handed him the note.

The note didn't say much, so Peter was still baffled as to why someone would kidnap his boss - but then Peter suddenly recalled an event that had happened a week ago. There was a young, gothic-styed guy named Seth who badly wanted a job at the _Daily Bugle_ - naturally, after one mistake to many he was fired by J. Jonah Jameson. The gothic youth didn't take kindly to being fired and Peter remembered Seth swearing vengeance on Mr. Jameson.

A tap on Peter's shoulder snapped him out the flashback. "Peter, call the police."

"Huh? Oh, right. Uh, Betty, did you see anyone going in or out of Mr. Jameson's office today?"

The secretary shook her head. "I took a twenty-something minute coffee break…" There was misery in her voice. "I _should _have seen something…"

Peter squeezed her arm. "It's not your fault. Don't worry, I'll handle this."

He then hurried away to begin the search for his boss through Midtown Manhattan.

Seth and his girlfriend had kidnapped J. Jonah Jameson from his office so cleverly no one had noticed them. They knocked him out and dragged him swiftly to their waiting van. The young couple brought their victim back to Seth's apartment room where they prepared for their revenge. They stripped Mr. Jameson down to his white tank top and boxer shorts. Then they laid him back in a comfy chair with his arms tied high over his head with a chain that looped up over a ceiling beam. Finally they removed his shoes and socks and locked his bare feet into a pair of strong, wooden stocks.

J. Jonah Jameson began mumbling and moving his head from side to side. He soon gained consciousness and realized the unfortunate position he was in.

"HEY! What's all this crap? SETH JETTER! Thought I fired your ass a week ago! Told you never to show your ghostly face in my presence again!" Mr. Jameson struggled in his restraints, shocked to realize he was in his underwear. "Untie me this second and gimme back my clothes or YOU'RE FIRED!"

Seth and the girl glanced at each other, unshaken by Jameson's threats.

"But Mr. J… you _already_ fired me, remember?" Seth said, inching closer to Jameson's enraged face. Seth nodded his head toward his smirking girlfriend. "That's my friend, Sadie. She's going to help me."

Mr. Jameson scoffed. "_Help you_? She couldn't help _you _unless she specializes in SICK PSCHOPATHES SUCH AS YOURSELF!"

An eerily happy grin spread across Seth's pale face.

"You're gonna eat those words, Mr. Jameson. Oh. How you will eat those words." Seth's tone got more menacing with every word.

J. Jonah Jameson would never admit it but he terrified. Why? Because his arms were chained over his head, his feet were bare… and in stocks! Jameson had a awful secret about himself, and he hoped to God that these two young people wouldn't discover it.

"You can't do anything to me! Y-You can't," he gulped.

Raven-haired Sadie snickered evilly.

"CUT THAT OUT!" barked Jameson, his fear formed into beads of sweat on his forehead. "You both better just stay away from me or you'll be sucking Spider-Man's webs when I catch him!"

"You mean _if_…" teased Sadie, winking at her boyfriend.

At that signal, the two gothic kidnappers took their positions. Seth walked up behind the chair and whispered, "Prepare to be tickled to death", into Jameson's ear. Then he began stroking a single finger into Mr. Jameson's open armpit, causing Jameson to explode into uncontrollable laughter.

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NONONONONO! DON'T TICKLE MEHEHEHEHE! I CAN'T STAHAHAHANND IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Mr. Jameson laughed like a maniac as Seth lightly scratched around in his underarm non-stop. Sadie stood close by, watching with a sadistic grin.

"It's my turn now," she said, kneeling down beside the hostage's mid-section. She grabbed Jameson's thin undershirt and yanked it up to expose his bare stomach. There was fear and fury in Mr. Jameson's eyes, but his expression turned to pure fear when Sadie pulled a long feather from behind her back.

"Don't you dare! Damn it! Don't you da - Oh, crap! No, no, NO!" Mr. Jameson shouted as the feather came closer and closer to his bare belly.

"Ready, sir?" Sadie glanced up at him. Where was that good-for-nothing Spider-Jerk when you needed him?

"OH CRAP! OH CRAHAHAHP! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Jameson, jerking and squirming in his restraints. Sadie was sliding the feather in circles on his stomach. J. Jonah Jameson was so ticklish that even the slightest brush against his stomach sent him into hysterics.

"Tickle tickle tickle! Tickle tickle tickle!" Sadie teased in a tiny voice. She dipped the feather right into his bellybutton, making the man jolt in his chair and shriek like he never shrieked before. His head went back as tears of laughter streamed down his red face.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NONONONONONONONONONONO! DAMN IT! STAHAHAHP! GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEASE! PLEHEHEAASE!"

"Sadie, did you hear that? He said 'please'," Seth pointed out.

Sadie looked over at her boyfriend. "So do you think I should stop tickling him now?"

Seth shook his head. "Nah!" He then stood behind the chair once again and dug his slender fingers into Jameson's ribs, while Sadie continued wiggling the feather around in his bellybutton.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAOHOHOHOHOHOHOHAHAHAHAHAHA! STAHAHAHAHAHAP IT! GAHAHAHAHA STAHAHAHAHAHP TIHIHIHICKLING MEEHEHEHE YOU MOHOHONSTERS!" Mr. Jameson roared through hysterical laughter. But the tickle torture carried on endlessly. They were tickling him to death.

_So this is the end? Never imagined it would end like this… I'm going to be… __**tickled**__ to death! This is NOT how I want to die!_

But just when Jameson was on the verge of passing out, the two torturers finally gave him a break. "Had enough?" Seth whispered into his former boss's ear.

Mr. Jameson turned his head to look him in the eye. Drenched in sticky sweat and gasping for breath, Jameson choked out, "If it's the… last thing… I ever do… I will MASSACRE YOU!"

Seth and Sadie both left their former positions and moved closer to their victim's stocked feet. Jameson watched their every move, trembling when they each sat down in front of his bare feet. Sadie gleefully watched his wiggling toes, knowing how nervous the man was. She slowly reached for his left foot. He flinched at her cold touch. She locked eyes with Mr. Jameson as she firmly clutched his bare foot. Then with a coy smile, she put his big toe into her mouth for a moment, causing him to jump and squeal.

The worst was yet to come. Seth settled down beside Jameson's right foot while Sadie had claimed the left one. The two shared a evil grin as Jameson whined, "Oh crap, no! Don't you dare…" He knew he was doomed.

Sadie began tickling his bare foot with the feather, stroking it up and down the sole. Then she pried his toes back so she could tickle underneath them. Meanwhile, Seth was scribbling his fingernails all over the other foot.

Mr. Jameson's face turned redder than cherries as he screamed for mercy through his hysterical, cackling laughter. His sweat-drenched tank top and shorts were clinging to his squirming body. Fresh tears streamed from his eyes, to all the way down his neck.

"HAAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE! NOHOHOHOHOHOHOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! S-STOP TICKLING MY FEET Y-YOU INHUMAN BASTARDS! HAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MERCYYY! PLEEAASSSE! I-I'LL DO ANYTHIHIHING! NOHOHOHOHO MOHOHOHOHOHOHRREEE!"

He jerked and struggled with every bit of strength left in his body, but there was no way he could pull his feet out of those damn, medieval stocks! Mr. Jameson's most ticklish spot was his feet - and his two torturers were taking full advantage of it. Sadie wiggled the feather all over and between his toes while using her long fingernails to tickle the arch of his foot.

Seth was busy with the other foot. He grabbed all five toes to hold them back, and began dragging a hairbrush up and down the ticklish sole. Up and down. Up and down. Through Mr. Jameson's ballistic laughter he screamed out threats like 'I can't breath', and 'I'm gonna throw up.' All of which seemed very true to poor ol' J. Jonah Jameson. The cold-blooded tickle torture went on for another hour until a figure donning a Spider-Man costume peered into the window.

Peter Parker had been swinging from building to building, as he passed over the small apartment he could hear the raging laughter. Peter recognized that cackling anywhere. He went down to check it out, but wondered what in the world his kidnapped boss could be laughing so hard about…

When Spider-Man gazed in that window he couldn't believe his eyes. _They're tickling him… they're actually tickling my boss. Mr. Jameson has ticklish feet. I never knew that. This is awesome! Oh well, I guess I should go call the pol - wait a minute… __**should**__ I call the police? Hmm…_

Peter grinned beneath his mask, really enjoying what he was watching. After all, J. Jonah Jameson _was_ kind of getting what he deserved. Just then, Peter thought, _Hey, instead of saving him right away, maybe I could just hang here all day and watch…_

Peter continued to watch the two kidnappers gleefully tickling his boss's feet, but Peter became so distracted that he let his guard down, foolishly forgetting to make sure he wasn't seen.

It took a minute or two, but Sadie finally noticed a shadow and looked over at the window. Her sadistic grin changed to a look of shock, then to a scornful frown. "Seth! It's Spider-Man! He's spying on us!" She shouted to her boyfriend, but could barely be heard over their victim's shrieks and laughter. Seth looked toward the window.

"Damn, we've gotta go," Seth told her. The pair stopped tickle torturing Jameson and made a run for the door. But when Spider-Man saw this, he threw open the unlocked window and burst into the room, throwing a laser of web around the couple. Seth and Sadie fell down on their butts as they were tied to each other with ropes of spider web.

_Oh, thank God… never thought I'd be glad to see that Spider-Jerk, _thought Jameson, gasping desperately for air and still giggling silly.

Spider-Man went back to the window to flag down a police car, then he slipped out of the room to change back into his regular clothes. He just left his boss tied up and with his feet in stocks. Mr. Jameson was enraged at this, but was too out of breath to yell after him. It wasn't long before cops and reporters filled the room. A satisfied Seth and Sadie were escorted from the room by police, and Peter returned wearing his usual shirt, jacket, and jeans.

"P-Parker!" barked Jameson, who finally got some of his breath back. "W-Where has… your ass… been? Do you have… any idea… what those two… little creeps put me through? And speaking of creeps… WHAT took your Spider-man friend SO long to get here?! Parker, I ought to fire you!"

Suddenly, a reporter with a camera walked up to Jameson (who was still tied up) and snapped a picture for the newspaper, then walked away.

"WHAT? REALLY? You can't take a picture of me like THIS! Somebody find out who that guy was. Tell him he's fired!"

But Peter Parker wasn't really paying attention to Mr. Jameson's orders. Peter was just standing there… right in front of the stocks where Mr. Jameson's feet were sticking out. Peter couldn't help smirking as he stared at his boss's helpless bare soles. Peter knew what he wanted to do, but he knew he really shouldn't if he valued his job. But he just couldn't pass up on this opportunity. He couldn't resist.

Peter started tickling Mr. Jameson's foot. "Coochie coochie coo."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! P-PARKER! NONONONO! STAHAHAHAP IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAOHOHOHOHO! Y-YOU ASSHOHOHOHLE! YOU'RE FIHIHIHIRED! FIRED! HAHAHAHA!"

"I know," Peter said, chuckling. Then he began tickling around the toes, which resulting in even more hysterical laughing and cursing from Jameson. Peter was chuckling to himself the whole time, but he finally decided to let his boss go. He untied Jameson's hands and unlocked the medieval stocks with a key that police had discovered in Seth's pocket.

"Where are my clothes and shoes. Find my clothes and shoes! NOW!" ordered Mr. Jameson the minute he was freed. Peter chuckled some at the sight of his blushing boss standing around in a sweat-stained undershirt and boxer shorts. " Parker, this ISN'T FUNNY!"

"Sorry, I'll just, uh, go see if I can find you some clothes…" Peter grinned, not really worried that he lost his job, because if he knew J. Jonah Jameson, then he knew he would be hired back again the next time Jameson wanted something.

Once Mr. Jameson was clothed and in a more presentable state, he and Peter returned to work at the _Daily Bugle, _where Jameson strolled around in his office, thinking of how to put the story of his kidnapping in the paper. "This will be the front page for certain. I want the city to read about exactly what happened… about how I was viciously kidnapped from my own office and then tickle tortured within an inch of my life." Jameson explained to Peter and secretary Betty Brant.

Peter and Betty looked at each other and shared a smile.

"Uh, excuse, sir," Peter spoke up. "If I were you, I would think _very carefully_ before I put _this_ story in the newspaper."

"Hm? Oh. You're right," Jameson admitted. "Okay. Just write that I was kidnapped. Don't, uh… say anything else." He covered his face to hide a blush.

Peter snickered to himself. Betty had a twinkle in her eyes. Just as Peter turned to leave the office, Jameson called him back.

"Yes sir?"

"Um, Parker…" Jameson cleared his throat, before nervously sitting down at his desk. "I-I would appreciate it if we could just keep this to ourselves… y-you know, about what happened. If you know what's good for you, you better just keep it to yourself!"

"Keep it to myself, sir? Peter asked, dumbly.

"You know… about me being ticklish," Jameson said, nervously fidgeting in his chair.

Peter grinned then dramatically put a finger against his chin, as if in thought. "Well now, that's a pretty big secret you're asking me to keep."

"PARKER!" Jameson clenched his teeth, glaring torches at him.

"Okay. Okay, Mr. Jameson," Peter said, calmly. "I think I can promise not to tell your secret, but only on one condition…"

"One condition? Fine. What is it?"

Peter said nothing. Just grinned mysteriously.

"Come on, Parker! Just name your price! I'll do anything!" Mr. Jameson urged.

Still Peter would not answer.

"More money? Is that it? You want a raise?" Jameson was guessing.

But Peter simply winked at Betty, who was smiling at Mr. Jameson, then he spun around on his heels and headed toward the door.

"Parker? PARKER! Where do you think you're going? You don't DARE leave this office until I SAY you can leave!"

Peter left without another word.

"HEY! Get your ass back in here!" Mr. Jameson jumped up. "Parker, that isn't fair! What is it? What's the condition? AH! Damn you Parker!" He punched the top of his desk. "Do you hear me? Damn you and damn your Spider friend and - Parker? OH COME ON! Tell me what the condition is! I'm warning you… don't you dare tell anyone! Parker? PARKER!"

The End


End file.
